How to Identify Silent Disagreements?

5 signals that reveal silent disagreements and how to address them

Nov 07, 2024

Have you ever walked out of a meeting thinking everyone was aligned, only to hear from your manager that people disagree? Silent disagreements are like hidden icebergs. What you see on the surface is just a fraction, but they can cause havoc.

When you encounter silent disagreements often, critical concerns will surface later, resulting in wasted efforts. That can also get you a lower rating and block your promotion. So, don’t let silent disagreements linger.

It can be hard to identify them early (well, they are silent, so they are hard to detect!). However, there are some signals that you can watch out for that hint at disagreements. Today, I share five signals I look for to spot these hidden concerns before they derail projects and damage team dynamics.

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🤐 1. Low Participation

Are the key stakeholders just responding with “okay” and seem disengaged? They are neither asking questions nor vocalizing any disagreement.

This could happen either because they have vague disagreements and are unsure how you would take it or because they haven’t had the time to think it through. Also, some people like to disagree 1:1.

What you should do:

Watch out for low engagement, especially if it comes from many stakeholders
Create smaller discussion groups where people feel more comfortable speaking up
Meet 1:1 and be curious about if they see risks with your proposal
Ask specific questions instead of general ones like "Any concerns?"
Pay attention to who's quiet, especially if they're typically vocal

🚶‍♂️2. Verbal Agreement But No Actions

Everyone agrees during planning, but you get to the execution and find a teammate who isn’t acting like they agree. For example, if you proposed a new API as a replacement for the existing one, but you find that a teammate is still adding new features to the existing API even when there is no urgency.

In this example, it is possible that this teammate feels this new API will take a long time to become “reliable.” Until then, they will continue adding features to the existing one. So, while they agree with the proposal, they may not be on board with its timing.

What you should do:

Ensure your proposal discusses the execution and its timeline
Discuss this proposal's relative priority against other work to ensure you have a shared mental model for prioritization.
Set milestones/timelines and get your teammates to sign off

🔄 3. Never Ending “issues”

Every time you are about to make a decision, your teammate finds yet another gotcha that needs to be addressed. While thorough analysis is good, endless concerns can be a sign of deeper disagreement.

Your teammate might be sensing risks they can't fully articulate yet. Or they might have experienced similar failures in the past that make them extra cautious. Sometimes, it's also about broader concerns they're uncomfortable expressing directly – like worries about team dynamics, resource allocation, or political implications. They might find raising technical concerns easier than discussing these sensitive topics.

What you should do

Don’t meet with this person once a week; you need multiple brainstorming sessions to wrap up the concerns in a day or two.
Help them find more gotchas upfront.
Create a structured list of all potential issues and tackle them in focused sessions.
Be available to discuss sensitive topics.
Set a deadline for raising new concerns to prevent analysis paralysis

🗣️ 4. Complains To Others

You thought your teammates agreed with you, but they seemed less confident about the proposal with others. Your manager or a peer tells you that people are not sold on the proposal. However, from your point of view, there were no disagreements.

This may stem from power dynamics or past experiences. Maybe you shut down their ideas before, and now they fear confronting you.

What you should do

Make it safe to disagree by acknowledging and rewarding constructive criticism
Address concerns publicly to show you're open to feedback
Build trust through consistent follow-through on feedback

⏳ 5. “Let’s Take It Offline”

Multiple discussions and brainstorming sessions culminate with “Let’s take it offline.” Every time you come close to making the hard decisions, the decision-making is deferred. Then, there is no follow-up, and subsequent meeting ends with the same outcome.

This may happen if the stakeholders have seemingly weak reasons to disagree but haven’t taken the time to make their disagreement a cohesive story. It is also possible that they are not the decision-makers and are waiting for someone influential to make the call. Perhaps they don’t see the decision as critical and are deprioritizing it.

What you should do

First, agree on the timing of this decision. If this is not the right time, consider postponing the decision-making to a better time.
Ask your tech lead or manager if the right decision-makers are in the audience.
Give people time to think through things, but set deadlines for follow-ups.

💡 Parting Note

The goal isn't to eliminate all disagreements but to surface them as early as possible. While vocal disagreements may seem uncomfortable, silent ones can be more damaging in the long run.

Confrontation is challenging for many, so it's crucial to create a safe space that encourages open disagreement and facilitates resolution. By fostering an environment where people feel comfortable expressing their concerns, teams can address issues proactively and prevent silent disagreements from derailing projects.

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