How to Stay Calm Under Pressure?

The framework that helped me keep calm in high-pressure situations.

Have you ever had someone with authority ask you a hard question, and you felt scared? What did you do after that?

Blabber defensive words? Or make a decision prematurely?

Did you feel like running away from the situation? This is more common than you think. When I feel scared in such situations, I use the BAA framework, which has helped me not succumb to the pressure over the years.

Let’s look at three situations to understand the framework. By the way, they are all situations where I messed up the first time I encountered them. I didn’t follow BAA, i.e., Breath, Assess, and Act. Instead, I followed Act, Assess, and Regret :)

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😳 1. A Grilling Leadership Review

Picture this: You're presenting to leadership, feeling confident. Suddenly, a VP interrogates you with an unexpected question:

“Why aren’t you building Feature X? Why are you focused on Feature Y?”.

A long time back, everyone had agreed that Feature X wasn’t necessary. So, this question stumps you. Gulp. 😳

It's natural to feel your heart racing and palms sweating. You weren’t ready for this from someone with authority.

You feel fear because

1. You don’t want to give a ‘less than ideal’ answer to your VP

2. You wonder if you missed a memo about Feature X

3. You fear saying “NO” to your VP.

What you shouldn’t do

1. Start blabbering and giving non-answers.

2. Make promises (without thinking over) that you will work on Feature X.

What you should do

Breath

Take a deep breath and let the feeling pass. For a moment, forget it’s a person with a big title!

Assess

Ask yourself -

• Do you understand the question and the intent?

• Is there a baked-in assumption in the question that does not align with yours?

  • For example, you assume Feature X is not prioritized, but your VP may have a different assumption.

• Do you hesitate to give a direct response? If so, ask why.

  • Do you assume the answer may make them unhappy?

Act

Don’t let their tone scare you or let your hesitation overpower your response.

In this case, you want to start with a clear answer and share your justification. The justification may be as simple as, “Feature X was deemed unnecessary in the previous review, and Feature Y adds the most value based on the user study”.

You should add, “Do you believe we should consider Feature X again?” This way, you can let them chime in if they have new data points.

The more you practice, the more comfortable you get. VPs appreciate that!

😱 2. Crazy Outage

Your phone's buzzing like crazy. There's a major outage, and your team can't find the root cause. 😱

A bunch of super senior engineers and managers are waiting for you to fix it! These high expectations in an unknown situation can scare you into - trying random fixes and potentially making things worse.

You feel the fear because you think:

1. You are the team lead, so you are “supposed” to have the answers!

2. If you don’t fix the problem, those super-senior engineers may think you know nothing. So, everyone will know you are an imposter!

Acting rashly will surely hamper your reputation. So, take a moment.

What you should do

Breath

Take a deep breath and spend a minute understanding the symptoms. Let people know you need a minute to gather context. If someone is being pushy, let them know you will respond soon.

Assess

Make a mental note of things you understand vs not. Specifically,

• Do you understand the symptoms and the impact?

• Do you understand the trigger?

• Do you understand potential issues that have been ruled out or the potential theories?

Act

This may be a complex outage with an unclear root cause. Clearly communicate what you know vs. what you don't. Share the potential theories you and your team will validate. If you need help from a specific team, then ask for it. Engineers from other teams want to help, but you must ask for it.

Share regular updates so that they are not left guessing.

🧐 3. Unexpected Critical Feedback

You’ve just wrapped up a project, and expect praise for your leadership. Instead, you hear, "You didn’t communicate well during the project." Suddenly, your confidence takes a hit. 😳

You feel fear because

1. You thought you did well, and now doubt creeps in.

2. You’re worried this might impact your promotion.

What you should not do

1. Reject the feedback right away

2. Accept it without understanding the specifics

What you should do

Breath

Listening to critical feedback is never easy, especially when it comes as a surprise. So, take a moment.

Assess

Ask yourself -

• Do you know if the feedback is true?

• Do you understand the specific instance that this feedback refers to?

• Do you feel uncomfortable talking about this now? If so, why?

  • Is the worry about your promotion scaring you?

Act

Respond with something like, “Oh! This is a surprise, but I want to understand the specifics.” This signals to the feedback giver that you are listening and relaxes them.

Discussing the feedback is the only way to get more details, but do it respectfully. If you need time to reflect on the details, do so before disagreeing.

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When we are scared, we forget to think before acting. That results in rash decisions. Practicing BAA will help you deal with high-pressure situations. That will make you a better leader.

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Shoutout

1. SWE v/s MLE by

   Kartik Singhal
   and
   Hemant Pandey

2. 5 Keys to the Hiring Manager Interview from a Meta Senior Manager by

   Jordan Cutler

3. Framework to land $500k+ Software Engineer Job without Leetcoding by

   Gourav Khanijoe