Mastering Leadership: 5 Behaviors that Made Me Approachable

Being approachable makes you a better leader

Introverted leaders can also build great working relationships, as personal connections play only a small role in being approachable.

Leaders who are approachable build a team with a supportive environment that promotes open communication, trust and creativity. Leaders who are not, cause the team to feel demotivated and burn out engineers. I am an introvert, yet I learned to be approachable and have built great teams.

In this article, I will share the top 5 things that made me approachable and thereby a better leader

1. Be direct and not nice

2. Don’t be perfect

3. Encourage a discussion

4. Listen

5. Be there for them

Let’s dive in.

1. Be direct and not ‘nice’

Be direct in your discussions and feedback. Don’t sugar coat them with niceness.

Think about it

• If you are terrible at giving presentations, do you want someone to tell you that you are great and have minor issues, or to tell you what things you should stop and do instead?

• If your design has flaws, do you want someone to tell you how awesome your design is or help you solidify it?

So, you should do the same as a leader. When you fear offending then, you try to be nice. You may end up with "good" personal chats, but you will not be able to lead them. Only when you lead them through their struggles, they are likely to trust you with future challenges.

We are wrong to assume that being direct is being rude. Even when your teammates make a mistake, you should focus on what they missed and how they can avoid it instead of fixating on how they even made the mistake.

2. Don’t be perfect

When a team mate brings a situation to you, don’t try to show that you would never be in that situation. In fact, share how you overcame something similar. That builds a connection and they are more willing to share more problems with you.

Why do we fear our directors, VPs and CXOs? We always see their accomplishment and labels. We assume they are perfect and hold our self to that ‘level’. As a result, we tend to hide our problems from them.

3. Encourage a discussion when their thoughts are murky

On occasion, you may find that your team has vague ideas. It may not make sense on the surface. Don't dismiss them. Instead, help them clarify their thoughts. Ask questions such as: What is the problem they are concerned about? What are they trying to solve? Is it impactful?

Allow them to stumble a few times before they can effectively communicate their ideas. This will not only help them learn how to articulate their thoughts correctly, but also make you approachable even when their thoughts are not yet perfect.

I remember two experiences from early in my career: one with a lead who would pick up my vague thoughts and build on top of them, and another with a lead who would get frustrated with half-baked ideas.

• Working with the former was extremely motivating, as they would make me feel that my ideas were great and shape them.

• As you can tell, I hardly enjoyed working with the latter.

So, I knew what kind of a lead I wanted to be.

4. Listen

When you debate, listen carefully to what they have to say. We, software engineers, aren't great at communicating our thoughts, so they may not mean what they say and they don't say what they mean. Have a welcoming body language that encourages contrasting views. When someone disagrees with you, assume good intent and understand when their points are valid versus not.

Listening leaves room for you to be wrong, which means your team is now more open to challenging you. That eliminates any hierarchy and fear within the team.

5. Be there for them

When situations escalate - a severe incident, an upset customer, or they feel stuck. Help them succeed. This shows them that you are a trusted support even in difficult situations. This builds trust and loyalty. They will want to work with you.

Be cautious and avoid solving their problem on their behalf. Allow them to maintain control while offering backend support.

When I help engineers learn to lead customer meetings, I won't take control of the meeting if they make a mistake. Instead, I'll interrupt and ask relevant questions when necessary. This lets them know what they missed and allows them to keep the discussion going.

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You don’t need to be an extrovert to be approachable. In fact, you also don’t need to be their friend (though it helps). You need to be a strong work buddy.

What do you or your team lead do differently? Share them in the comments.

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