Did you ever give a feedback and realized you did it way too early ?
Sometimes I think "hesitating" can be benefitial (in order to get better examples or more data on the situation) if we're discussing a pattern and not a singular event.
It's something I learned from "Crucial Conversations" and it's a great way to be sure to have enough context to be able to give correct feedback, but not waiting too long collecting feedback and getting the usual "oh if it was that important for you, why didn't you voice it before" ?
It also depends ofc on the relationship, the dynamic and the situation.
This is a very good question and I guess I should covered in my article.
I don't think I ever did it too early. There are two reasons
1. Previously when I was hesitant, I was always late. :)
2. Later when I learned to be less hesitant, I had a better approach.
I pose my concerns as a question and then let people speak. I have a conversation and try to problem solve the issue. Of course, it is easier with some people than others.
If there is a critical feedback then I will have a very concrete suggestion. That makes it easy for folks to see the delta. So the conversation does not remain uncomfortable for long.
When I make suggestions or question some piece of code I don't understand, why it has to be there, or what purpose it solves, I always lead with: "I might lack some context here, but what XY is doing here.", because that's the truth.
It happened way too many times that it was a leftover from a previous solution or something that, after a second look, is not really needed; it can be anything.
The price I pay for coming through as someone who "doesn't get a solution" is small compared to having some code around we'll have to maintain for years.
It's great to see how hesitation and BSing around hold us back from making a good impact.
As a manager, I still struggle with it. I understand the importance, and I prepare myself well for those conversations - but when the time comes, somehow the words that I say are just… meh. Too soft, with too many caveats I didn’t want to say, just so I’ll finish on a good note.
Since reading ‘Radical Candor’ my awareness of that tendency (ruinous empathy) increased, and I think that I do get better at it with time.
My biggest tip for beginners is to ASK for that feedback, requesting your manager to not spare you. I have 2 such engineers, and with them I just love those conversations.
Being explicit and direct when giving feedback is a great skill.
Especially when they are backed up with kindness and considerate words.
I like the part where you emphasised on understanding other's perspective. This is crucial too, because it makes you rethink your initial intuition and give more accurate feedback.
One thing I have noticed is the lack of confidence and comfort while giving feedback, this mainly is on the Engineering culture of the team or company.
So I was very hesitant in talking about this f2f with people. Well, there was a time I was hesitant even writing it anonymously.
What changed - I worked with a lead who did it quite well. He also called out how I sugarcoated some feedback once I started doing it verbally. That is when I built a radar to catch my hesitation and manage it.
So sometimes it can just take one person to bring a change. (even if rest of the company isn't)
A1 advice for corporate cogs intending to damage interpersonal relations with their work colleagues in exchange for negligibly increasing their CEO's stock value
Did you ever give a feedback and realized you did it way too early ?
Sometimes I think "hesitating" can be benefitial (in order to get better examples or more data on the situation) if we're discussing a pattern and not a singular event.
It's something I learned from "Crucial Conversations" and it's a great way to be sure to have enough context to be able to give correct feedback, but not waiting too long collecting feedback and getting the usual "oh if it was that important for you, why didn't you voice it before" ?
It also depends ofc on the relationship, the dynamic and the situation.
Thanks anyway for the article, great read!
This is a very good question and I guess I should covered in my article.
I don't think I ever did it too early. There are two reasons
1. Previously when I was hesitant, I was always late. :)
2. Later when I learned to be less hesitant, I had a better approach.
I pose my concerns as a question and then let people speak. I have a conversation and try to problem solve the issue. Of course, it is easier with some people than others.
If there is a critical feedback then I will have a very concrete suggestion. That makes it easy for folks to see the delta. So the conversation does not remain uncomfortable for long.
When I make suggestions or question some piece of code I don't understand, why it has to be there, or what purpose it solves, I always lead with: "I might lack some context here, but what XY is doing here.", because that's the truth.
It happened way too many times that it was a leftover from a previous solution or something that, after a second look, is not really needed; it can be anything.
The price I pay for coming through as someone who "doesn't get a solution" is small compared to having some code around we'll have to maintain for years.
It's great to see how hesitation and BSing around hold us back from making a good impact.
I’ve been in most of those cases :)
As a manager, I still struggle with it. I understand the importance, and I prepare myself well for those conversations - but when the time comes, somehow the words that I say are just… meh. Too soft, with too many caveats I didn’t want to say, just so I’ll finish on a good note.
Since reading ‘Radical Candor’ my awareness of that tendency (ruinous empathy) increased, and I think that I do get better at it with time.
My biggest tip for beginners is to ASK for that feedback, requesting your manager to not spare you. I have 2 such engineers, and with them I just love those conversations.
And lastly - Adam Grant recently wrote a great article on why you shouldn’t use the compliment sandwich: https://adamgrant.substack.com/p/stop-serving-the-compliment-sandwich
Being explicit and direct when giving feedback is a great skill.
Especially when they are backed up with kindness and considerate words.
I like the part where you emphasised on understanding other's perspective. This is crucial too, because it makes you rethink your initial intuition and give more accurate feedback.
Nicely written, Raviraj!
One thing I have noticed is the lack of confidence and comfort while giving feedback, this mainly is on the Engineering culture of the team or company.
So I was very hesitant in talking about this f2f with people. Well, there was a time I was hesitant even writing it anonymously.
What changed - I worked with a lead who did it quite well. He also called out how I sugarcoated some feedback once I started doing it verbally. That is when I built a radar to catch my hesitation and manage it.
So sometimes it can just take one person to bring a change. (even if rest of the company isn't)
Were you just a Senior Engineer or Lead ?
Technically there were two instances of this.
1. I was only a senior but didn't learn to get over my hesitation as much.
2. I was still a senior but playing the tech lead role.
A1 advice for corporate cogs intending to damage interpersonal relations with their work colleagues in exchange for negligibly increasing their CEO's stock value
Great post. I know I am also hesitant to give feedback especially to people that have zero experience. Will bookmark this post for the future !